The blood gulch chronicles
by spark n' Jetz
Summary: Completely irrevelant to red vs blue actual plot. This dimension is an infinitum of all the characters in blood gulch. Freelancers and all. One-shot.


**Hi guys! This is my first RVB fic, so go easy. I might not make a ton of these, maybe a few or just update this one. Takes place is season 1, except none of the events of season 1 or the following happen. So basically, just an ordinary day for the reds and blues, however, all characters, including freelancers, will show up. And no swearing in this.**

For all the people who don't know red v.s. blue, I'll give you a tour for the characters.

Blue team:

Church:Always cusses and is team leader. A/N:No cusses here though. Always facepalming about Caboose and Tucker. Regulation blue armor.

Tucker: Sort of a perv. Quotes: "Bow chika wow wow!" "I'm a lover not a thinker! I'm a lover not a fighter! I'm a lover not a-" and so on. Constantly tries to hit on girls. Fails always. Can be smart in some situations. Light blue armor.

Caboose: The idiot. Loves cookies, and various other stuff. Low IQ, like I said. Talks in a rather, funny voice. You'll have to check it out for yourself. Dark blue armor.

Tex:Technically not on blue team, but sort of is, as blue command hired her to work for the blues. Easily the smartest of the group. Hired from project freelancer, or the remnants. Dating (or used to date) Church. Total bad-a$$.

Red team:

Sarge: Has a gruff Southern accent, and is always telling his men to shut up and telling them they suck. Hates Grif, Occasionally congratulates Simmons. Doesn't know what to think of Donut.

Leader of red team. Regulation red armor. Loves his shotgun.

Simmons: Maroon armor. A smart-a$$. Hilarious, and my second favorite. Total a$$-kisser of Sarge.

Grif:Completely lazy orange clad soldier (yeah right) who does not want to do anything. Always complaining about work and all. Sarge hates him and he knows it.

Donut:Loves fashion, Home furnishing, and has his own diary. Wears pink armor, claiming it's light-red. Also likes cooking.

Lopez:Brown robot that can only speak spanish. Sarge wants Blood gulch outpost alpha (currently stationed) to be more multi-cultural. Sarge thinks Lopez is always praising him, when Lopez is really the only smart one. I will translate for any Spanish he speaks. Great at fixing stuff.

When new characters pop up, I will write a brief summary. For now, I can't list them all.

"Caboose? Where are you!"Church yells.

"Cookies! You never tell me that we had extra cookies!"Caboose yells as he jumps out of blue base.

"Caboose! Wait...what did you did with the cookie stash? And how did you get to it? Much less find it?"

_Shows images of Caboose dodging automatic turret fire, jumping over trip wires, dodging automatic grenade launchers, and grabbing the cookie jar._

"Oh, I was just walking around the basement when I smelled cookies. Then I found the cookies." "I encountered some evil stuff. I don't like machine gun thingys anymore,"Caboose whispers.

"Did you eat them?"Church sighs.

"Dude, thats a rhetorical question!"Tucker says as he joins in on the conversation. *Church sighs*

_Meanwhile, at red base, things aren't going fabulously either._

"What is that smell!"Simmons and Grif yell in unison.

"Jinx! Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten! Owe me a coke!"Grif laughs.

"Dude, first of all, we're in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere? How the hell am I suppose to get a coke!"

"And second, that jokes old man. But seriously, what's that smell?" Simmons ask.

Donut appears.

"Hi guys! Were you commenting on the smell?"Donut asks.

"What in sam's hell is that smell?!"Cursed a certain Sarge.

"Knew it! It's my veggie fest! I cooked brussel sprouts!"Donut cheered.

All three of the other reds turn away and run in different direction.

_ Meanwhile, at blue base..._

"Who is that?"asks Church, looking through his sniper rifle scope.

"What do you mean? Let me see!"Tucker says.

Tucker grabs sniper rifle.

"Yeah...I do see someone. Completely white armor, and a sniper rifle also. Hmmm...Reinforcements?"asks Tucker.

"Wait...that description sounds familiar. Oh no...Wyoming."

"Who?"

"Oh shoot..."

"Who's Wyoming? Listen, I know you know special freelancer whatever stuff, but please don't leave me hanging,"says Tucker.

Caboose comes out.

"What are you doing?"Caboose asks.

"Looking at some random freelancer Church knows."

"Oh great...Dangit..."

"Wait...friend or enemy? I like friends. They are nice. I don't like enemies though. The pink one is cooking Bubble sprouts!"

"What? Bubble sprouts? And how can you smell this far away from red base?"asks Church, finally out of his trance.

"I went to red base and spied on them."

"Finally, some recon. Wow Caboose, this is unlike you."

"For cookies"Caboose whispers.

Church and Tucker simultaneously facepalm.

"Church will you tell us!"Tucker says.

"If one freelancers here, then all the other ones will be here too..."

"Great analysis! Very correct Epsilon. And guess what! You have a bounty on your head!"A british accent heard behind them says.

"Wyoming?"

"And also, I'm not the only one."

_Tucker, Church, and Caboose look once all around them. Slowly, Maine appears with a grenade launcher. Caroline jumps out with a battle rifle. Washington stands next to Wyoming. South Dakota points her assault rifle at Caboose. York comes out with a rocket launcher._

"Um...I think they are enemies. Wait. Do you cook Bubble sprouts?"Caboose asks.

"Great."Church says. "Just great."

Back at red base.

"Men, I have a great idea! To get away from that smell of Brussel sprouts, we could attack blue base!"Sarge says in his southern accent.

"Sarge! Thats a lot of work! We have to get our guns, and walk to the other side of the box canyon!"Grif complains.

"That's an excellent idea Sir!"Simmons says.

"Let's go!"

_They set off, to see a bunch of people standing around the blues._

"My god! The blues got reinforcements!"Sarge says.

"Sir, for one, they're pointing all their guns at the blues. Two, one of them's orange,"Simmon comments.

"Shut up Simmons! Also, orange is grif color, so that doesn't count as anything!"Sarge declares.

"Can we attack now?"Asks Grif.

"Not yet! We have to create a battle plan!"Sarge says.

"Our plan is to run around and shoot the blues, even though we are outnumbered. And while you're at it, feel free to shoot grif. And that other orange one. Today men, is a good day to die!

"Sir, permission to activate plan battle charge cry?"Simmons says.

"Permission granted!"

"So, are we going to charge?"asks Simmons.

"Nah, let's take the jeep."

"Shotgun!"Simmons says.

"Shotgun!"Grifs says milliseconds later.

Back at blue base...

"So, as you see, you have a bounty on your head. We'll get our money soon."Wyoming says and lifts his gun, along with all the other freelancers.

"Wait, who hired you!"asks Tucker.

"Oh, someone by the name of O' Mally. Paying a lot of money. Toodle doo-"Wyoming says before getting cut off by yodeling and the sound of a jeep.

"Attack!"yells as Sarge,as he runs over every single freelancer.

"Ha, take that you dirty blues!"Sarge yells.

"Uh.."Tucker says.

"Wait, our enemies ran over our enemies, does that make them our friends? But if so, then why do they smell like Bubble sprouts!"Caboose says, yelling his finding.

_Everybody sighs, even the laying-on-the-ground freelancers._


End file.
